when skeletons live

there was a u.s. mail place like 2feet away brother...

Olympia man arrested on suspicion of shipping pot - Breaking News - The Olympian - Olympia, Washington

i totally slept with this guy when i was 18! whoa. fuck... it's a mad, mad, mad world.

(and a p.s. to my roommate: sorry i accidentally posted this onto your blog. my bad...)


insight:
the moment i slept with this man, the world of us three kings changed forever. we had moved up 1500miles despite a well thought out plan, any kind of real support, and our own delusions. he was the first and only real friend we all made together. i regret the tousling of this one's hair, he said that's the moment he knew. what? i couldn't really just think he had nice hair... he did. i can't watch the beach, can't think of spike jonze or the phoenix's, and (among some other reasons) can't really get into NIN.

[though Elliott Smith is and forever will be untainted.]

i can only blame myself... these moments in time when i made the biggest betrayal. my two best friends made the largest leaps towards a future together and this is how i came to destroy so many things.

she liked him and i, the bitch, was jealous that i wasn't the center of attention. and i was already engaged... this selfishness would later manifest. evolve. making it easier to commit crimes i considered to be less painful. excuses and insane logic i am barely coming to terms with. funny how i saw him the day i headed to Seattle. leaving behind the person i said i would never hurt again. strange...

original sin. i love just like my mother...
the lifegiver.
the whore.
the firestarter.

i'm glad that we now have some kind of closure, albeit of a sadistic kind (fortunately/unfortunately). atleast we have room to move around. breathe...   not hold our breaths to the mention of a name. but oh how i can't believe i said what i said to you. ruining your favorite snow patrol song. just because i'm sorry doesn't mean. i didn't enjoy it at the time. funny how the verse before that is: this is the straw, final straw in the roof of my mouth as i lie to you... but really isn't it the 2nd chorus verse that really matters?

"...what have i done? it's too late for that. what have i become? the truth is nothing yet. a simple mistake starts the hardest time. i promise i'll do anything you ask. this time..." -snow patrol "chocolate"

believe me when i say that i am sorry.







 if only, if only:

• "...and i'll cross oceans, like never before. so you can feel the way i feel it too. and i'll mirror images back at you. so you can see the way i feel it too. maybe i had said, something that was wrong. can i make it better, with the lights turned on."  -the xx "shelter"
• "i hate everything i am becoming. this change is torture... this hand, this hurt, my heart. i'll flirt with disaster, just know now that the deal is off. i'll be no good this time, defined. i'll put my touch around the grip of this knife. these dirty hands just won't come clean. i'm a murderer, the worst these worlds have seen." -coheed & cambria "in the flame of error"
• "i remember the beginning you already knew. i acted like a fool just trying to be cool. fronting like it didn't matter i just ran away. on another face was lost in my own space. found what's it like to hurt selfishly... i was in a jealous, insecure, pathetic place. stumbled through the nets that i have made. finally got out of my own way... i finally know that i needed to grow." -fergie "finally"
• "Foot in mouth and head up ass.so whatcha talkin' 'bout? difficult to dance 'round this one 'til you pull it out, boy. you must have been so high. you must have been so high." -tool "the pot"