almost lover

i've lost hope that one day those prophecies will come true.
the imaginary montage flashing before my eyes, that one drug filled night.

not hope,
perhaps just cables i've thrown out to sea for you
dreams attached to those black strings

wrapped around
in semi circles like kelp or seaweed.
that rest on the bottom,
covered in coral.
as if they dreamed and had nightmares too
like you

tossing and turning
blankets strewn across the bed.
that's how it looks down there, in the dark.
with no one to hold, caress, awake, and tell you it'll be okay.
tossing and turning
waves, the big bullies, kicking sand on top my hopes and dreams.
those cables that imitate my veins.

i tried to cut them off so long ago.
you know,
you where there!

tossing and turning
as you try to catch your breath from the moment that you knew this was over.
as you try to stop from breaking into a million tiny pieces on the linoleum.
running as fast and as far away as you can
because you trust your heart and your feet and the rapid pulse of your beat
and they're all screaming at you to simply
run.

we're all trying to recover from this,
you're not the only one.

 i would wrap you in my arms and hold you
and tell you myself, the truth.
cover every word in semi sweet chocolate, honey, or prose
whisper softly on my tippy toes.
cry too,
if that's what you need.

[and i wish you could hear that every good intention was enunciated 
like damp dew drops on dandelions.] 

but when have you ever listened?

as soon as something you disagree with gets said
you're gone.
my turn.
the ocean floor thrown about in the fury of a kiss.
one that i wish i could take back...

i'm reeling in
black, pearl-like strings
back in
while hours and songs filled of you
flood out

tossing and turning
as i try to wash and rid my skin of any trace of you and your fingertips.
as i try to squeeze out a tear that dried up on the pavement last year and even years before that
running as fast and as far away as i possibly can
because i trust my head and my limbs and the weight of my heart on my ribs
and they're all screaming at me to simply
let go.


a fine frenzy -almost lover

"Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?"